Wednesday late night post...Don't jump to any conclusions before reading the whole thing....

Since we seem to be in a less critical spot than earlier this week, I will be a little more reflective tonight. Maybe that will help put me to sleep, so I can get my best night's sleep in a while.

Perception is everything. Treat me like a king and I will believe I am a king. Treat me like I am dieing and I will die. It's been interesting that the nursing staff has treated Trish more like a hospice case than someone who has a chance since we came back from the ER and CVDL Saturday afternoon. Last night, Trish's siser Kath and I were sure we were witnessing Trish dieing as we held her hands and she coughed up flem. I have held Trish many times when she looked like crap and vomitted or coughed up bloody chemo filled flem, never before did I hink she was one her last stand. The way the nursing staff has prepped us this week, we were convinced that the only way this could end was in death. While Trish receives the sacrament of the Annointing of the Sick each time she is admitted to the hospital. She has received what sounds much more like the "last rites" (old name for the same sacrament) three times in the last four days.

All talk was focused on pain reduction and dieing. Along comes our favorite fellow -- who was slowed down by her own flu earlier this week (Dr. Griffiths)...Now we are reducing pain meds to find a happy medium between conscious conversation and pain reduction. I think we have indeed found that happy place on the pain meds and Trish is once again visiting with us and enjoying it. Previously she was just out like a light with occasional lucent periods.

They also took an ultra sound today in hopes of seeing if there was any other intervention necessary to restart the kidneys. Basically as a result of the internal bleeding, Trish had major system failures including her renal system (kidneys). Her kidneys which were susceptible to damage during chemo, have never been affected or harmed along our two year journey and before Saturday were chemically sound. Now they are the system of the most concern, Trish needs to purge a lot of crap in her bod and needs her kidneys to start functioning big time. If they don't start the docs can offer dialysis -- hopefully as a one time intervention to clean things out and than with less overwhelming conditions her own will kick in and help return the whole body to normal.

Speech and memory appear to be also affected by the truama of the lost blood pressure and bleeding. This may just be temporary until the toxins in her body can be purged or it could be the sign of damage due to oxygen loss from the trauma.

We are still in a very precarious spot and if Trish pulls off yet another recovery, from yet another set back, I will be more amazed than ever. It will also mean that we will likely be here well past our original go home date of November 9th.

A few days before this incident occurred, I called Trish my Timex. A very old commercial for the "affordable" watch featured John Cameron Swayse. He would show the watch in a rough condition, like on the bow of a motor boat, pull the watch off and put it on his wrist showing that it was still working. The tag line was " Timex. Takes a licking and keeps on ticking." That's my Trish. Dr. G has shared with the medical team that she is a like a cat and has nine lives. By my count, these are the lives she's redeemed so far: 1) Vesivegal on her second night of chemo in Oct 2005, 2) sedated fall and hematoma in January 2006, 3) cerebellar toxicity and fall in April 2007, 4) Constipation which was really an infection which led to a hyterectomy in May 2007, 5) Bone Marrow Transplant in July 2007, 6) Graft versus Host Disease worse than anything else she has experienced in August/September 2007, 7) The great gelato incident of 2007 leading to removal of her gall bladder......that leaves only two lives left for her to work with and I am hoping that she will use one up here.

Please continue with the praying and positive thoughts. They can and will make a difference. It will still be a very steep climb for Trish to come out of this place we find ourselves, but with all of us by her side I am confident she will not let us down. I pray that her body is still strong enough to complete the journey.

Thanks to everyone for your continued support, your calls and emails and everything.