Wednesday late night post...Don't jump to any conclusions before reading the whole thing....

Since we seem to be in a less critical spot than earlier this week, I will be a little more reflective tonight. Maybe that will help put me to sleep, so I can get my best night's sleep in a while.

Perception is everything. Treat me like a king and I will believe I am a king. Treat me like I am dieing and I will die. It's been interesting that the nursing staff has treated Trish more like a hospice case than someone who has a chance since we came back from the ER and CVDL Saturday afternoon. Last night, Trish's siser Kath and I were sure we were witnessing Trish dieing as we held her hands and she coughed up flem. I have held Trish many times when she looked like crap and vomitted or coughed up bloody chemo filled flem, never before did I hink she was one her last stand. The way the nursing staff has prepped us this week, we were convinced that the only way this could end was in death. While Trish receives the sacrament of the Annointing of the Sick each time she is admitted to the hospital. She has received what sounds much more like the "last rites" (old name for the same sacrament) three times in the last four days.

All talk was focused on pain reduction and dieing. Along comes our favorite fellow -- who was slowed down by her own flu earlier this week (Dr. Griffiths)...Now we are reducing pain meds to find a happy medium between conscious conversation and pain reduction. I think we have indeed found that happy place on the pain meds and Trish is once again visiting with us and enjoying it. Previously she was just out like a light with occasional lucent periods.

They also took an ultra sound today in hopes of seeing if there was any other intervention necessary to restart the kidneys. Basically as a result of the internal bleeding, Trish had major system failures including her renal system (kidneys). Her kidneys which were susceptible to damage during chemo, have never been affected or harmed along our two year journey and before Saturday were chemically sound. Now they are the system of the most concern, Trish needs to purge a lot of crap in her bod and needs her kidneys to start functioning big time. If they don't start the docs can offer dialysis -- hopefully as a one time intervention to clean things out and than with less overwhelming conditions her own will kick in and help return the whole body to normal.

Speech and memory appear to be also affected by the truama of the lost blood pressure and bleeding. This may just be temporary until the toxins in her body can be purged or it could be the sign of damage due to oxygen loss from the trauma.

We are still in a very precarious spot and if Trish pulls off yet another recovery, from yet another set back, I will be more amazed than ever. It will also mean that we will likely be here well past our original go home date of November 9th.

A few days before this incident occurred, I called Trish my Timex. A very old commercial for the "affordable" watch featured John Cameron Swayse. He would show the watch in a rough condition, like on the bow of a motor boat, pull the watch off and put it on his wrist showing that it was still working. The tag line was " Timex. Takes a licking and keeps on ticking." That's my Trish. Dr. G has shared with the medical team that she is a like a cat and has nine lives. By my count, these are the lives she's redeemed so far: 1) Vesivegal on her second night of chemo in Oct 2005, 2) sedated fall and hematoma in January 2006, 3) cerebellar toxicity and fall in April 2007, 4) Constipation which was really an infection which led to a hyterectomy in May 2007, 5) Bone Marrow Transplant in July 2007, 6) Graft versus Host Disease worse than anything else she has experienced in August/September 2007, 7) The great gelato incident of 2007 leading to removal of her gall bladder......that leaves only two lives left for her to work with and I am hoping that she will use one up here.

Please continue with the praying and positive thoughts. They can and will make a difference. It will still be a very steep climb for Trish to come out of this place we find ourselves, but with all of us by her side I am confident she will not let us down. I pray that her body is still strong enough to complete the journey.

Thanks to everyone for your continued support, your calls and emails and everything.

2:29pm Wednesday.
One more shot at a miracle. Dr. Griffiths came by and asked them to lessen her pain meds in hopes that her pressure would come up more naturally and with less help from the NEO drugs. They will also do an ultra sound to determine if there is any intervention that can be done to return her kidney functions (most likely draining fluid pressing on them). So there is a possibility - it however remains small. Still giving us reason to hope and pray.

8:29am Wednesday

Trish's condition deteriorated overnight. She spent much of the night coughing up flem. Her sister Kathy stayed with us in the hospital room and did much of the care-taking last night. Prognosis is poor.

6:40pm Tuesday.

Trish's latest chemistries are showing signs of weakness. Her kidney enzymes and liver enzymes are elevated. The "NEO" - the med used to raise her blood pressure - started this morning at .9 and is now running at 3.6, significantly higher showing that she needs some extra help maintaining her pressure. Her hematacrit is holding in the 30's still showing signs of no or reduced internal bleeding. We are in a day to day mode. Staying up with her last night really depleted me and I have asked her sister Kath to spend the night with us tonight so we can alternate being with Trish. While there is always still room for a miracle, she is showing signs of weakness. Her chest is starting to hurt feels like heartburn she says.

10:29am Tuesday.

News from rounds this morning. Trish's crit is good and holding, this is encouraging, but we are far from the miracle we are all hoping and praying for. Dr. Jones says Trish's billirubin is down as well - that's also good. As for Trish's swelling legs he says that's normal for the current condition and it will self-correct if she continues to get better. They tried to reduce the pain med to find a better medium between conscious conversation and pain relief, but Trish said she was starting to feel some pain, so they went back up. We will likely try again. If Trish continues to show signs of improvement they will begin nutrition in a day or two. She asked me this morning if she had epilepsy -- I think she knows that her speech and mind are slow right now (mostly from the pain meds we all think) and because of that she thought she might have epilepsy...I explained to her about the bleeding in the belly and she seemed to understand it. We can still go either way and you can still pray strong for that miracle, the doctors still feel it is possible and as you know -- the definition of a miracle is that it is something impossible.

7:38 am Tuesday.

Trish was up a lot last night. She could carry on a conversation. Sometimes they made sense, sometimes not. Dr. Matias Holdoff just came in, he's a fellow from Hamburg, Germany who worked with us during Trish's original chemo rounds. He told me that the bleeding appears stopped, Trish's Crit held again overnight. She still needs blood pressure meds to keep her pressure up. Her belly remains swollen with the leaked blood. Her legs are also swollen. She is coughing flem this morning for the first time, but she is able to cough and than I use the suction wand to get it out of her mouth. We continue to hope for a not so ordinary miracle today.

2:00 a.m. Tuesday. The rest of the family left about 10pm today. Andy came back for a short visit at about 11pm. Trish slept most of the day today, but has been quite restless in the time since Andy left. Just when I think she wil rest and I get comfortable in the chair, she'll call out my name and ask for some help. Because of the sedation or maybe her weakness or both it is not always easy to understand her. I remember talking to my grandmother after a stroke and having trouble understanding what she wanted to say or my neighbor with muscular dystrophy. This is so much harder for me tonight. I find myself calling the nurse in to help with things I have easily done before. Trish platlets and crit appear to be holding as of the just past midnight labs. Her legs are swelling with fluid. Her jaundice from the GvHd liver damage looks much better in her skin and eyes. She still has her big beautiful grin and it still warms my heart. She appears to be resting again now and I will try again to sleep.

3:26 pm Monday. Trish received some platelets today. So far her crit and pressures are holding. Her kidneys appear to be functioning today. They have always been perfect, but the trauma of the internal bleeding reduced her kidney function until today. Condition remains guarded, but she does appear to be stable and potentially recovering. The docs say they have never seen anything like this. The surgeons review the case each day to see if any surgical intervention is needed and so far it is not. No one is confident how this will end, but there is still reason to hope and pray, so please continue to do so. Thank you for your increased support at this toughest hour of our two year journey.

Monday 10:20am

Trish's blood pressure and hemtacrit held well overnight which was encouraging, but she remains in guarded condition and the prognosis remains grim. We are all with her this morning.

Expect and Pray for a miracle

Late tonight Trish's blood pressure is holding steady without the help of drugs. We are waiting to see if her crit is holding. While far from out of the woods, we can still pray for and expect a miracle.

9:25pm Sunday.

Trish is resting comfortably. She wakes up every so often and talks to us. The blood products have stopped and we are just waiting. We are all here with her and we know that that "we" extends out to so many people -- life long friends and people we have never met and many more in between. All of you have made our two year journey easier. Trish is an amazing lady. Many of you have told me how much she has taught you by her example in her journey.

I wanted to make a post to answer some questions we have received. Trish is resting comfortably and getting blood products in hopes that her leaks will clot. It's a quiet time as the boys and her Mom and sister get some rest and I am alone with her.

Trish was doing so well. Friday we went shopping and she ate and drank as normal. What happened overnight or Saturday morning was like you or I having a heart attack. It wasn't directly related to the Leukemia or GvHd, but by all means it was made worse as a result. On Saturday they repaired a leak in an artery (I think it was the hepatic artery - the one that brings blood to the liver), but they also noticed several anuerisms in other vessels in the same area.

The leak could have been caused by the gall bladder surgery, GvHd or simply an existing anuerism in a newly more weakened vessel as a result of GvHd. The area and Trish are too fragile to try any other sugical interventions to make repairs. The miracle we pray for is that the blood and other meds clot the leaking vessels and it would truly be a miracle if this happens.

We were so looking forward to returning home in about a week. Nothing could have foretold what happened yesterday to change our hope into despair. The doctors have done everything they could do. There are other issues too like nutrition, other systems slowing down, she is very frail.

Please keep praying.

The prognosis is not good. While they were initially able to stop Trish's internal bleeding yesterday, they believe it started again last night.

Trish's Mom and Sister and our youngest son Matt arrived last night around midnight. Andy our oldest arrived this morning, leaving from a debate tournament in Gainesville. Everyone is having a good visit with Trish. She slips in and out of consciousness, but still has her sense of humor and trademark smile.

The doctors have told us that she may pass between the next few hours or few days. I will insure updates are made by someone if I can't make them.

Please Pray for Trish Tonight

This is Brian Harrington posting tonight for Chip.

Today started out "normal" for Chip & Trish, but after she passed out twice, she was taken to E/R. She had internal bleeding from her gall bladder surgery. A procedure was done to stop the bleeding; however, she remains in guarded critical condition.

Trish needs our prayers tonight. "Where two or three are gathered in My name, there I am also"